10 Clever uses for a Structural Engineer

What?! You don't need a bridge or olympic stadium built in your back garden? Free your mind man!

Do not worry though, there are a multitude of 'other' uses for engineers; apart from construction that is. Here is a list of 10 of them:

1. The A-Team. If you've got a problem, and you can find them, then maybe you can hire - an engineer. I guess it's got something to do with understanding maths and applying theory to real life situations. Problem solving is a cinch - go on just try one out. Warning: Steer clear of social challenges. Which brings us nicely onto our next delightful use for an engineer...
2. Hypnosis. Look into the eyes, not around them but in them - [snap] you're under. If you are having a debate or argument which needs some cold, hard, emotionless and hypnotic tenacity. Then call in an engineer. We have been trained to do battle with slippery contractors types, and develop a high sensitivity for fair play. It don't matter how hard up your tenant is this month, they will pay the rent... look into my eyes...
3. Careers advice. Engineers have intimate knowledge of the wage and status of every profession ranked higher than an engineer themselves. Be cautious when broaching this topic - as you will need a spit guard and ear plugs to survive a volcano of angst. After all the ranting though, you will find that most engineers have a well grounded and thoughtful approach to offering advice on what you should do with yourself. Actually, a number of engineers dream of being a scuba instructor off the coast of Sri Lanka working for pittance - but that's their choice! Engineers sometimes may not like the hand dealt  to them, but they know how to enjoy life. This is obvious.
4. The wedding dance. Learning to dance takes an unbridled analysis of form and steely concentration. Every step is measured and timed to perfection. If you have ever seen someone 'lost in the moment' on the dance floor - perhaps thoughtfully experimenting with a mash up of the nutcracker suite and the macarena... then you were probably starring wide eyed and open mouthed at an engineer. Invite them to parties, and show them off to friends. Engineers make your Uncle Joey look good on the dance floor. Yeah the dude with one leg.
5. You can't teach an old dog new tricks. Not unless they're an engineering dawg that is. Engineers in the past have had to make monumental decisions; which meant learning new skills whilst on the job. Such is the life of an engineer. If you can't stand some one lording it over you at work - then why not just learn how to do their job in your lunch period? That's the engineers way. Brunel made a business from doing this. Want to build a railway but contractors won't play ball? Sack-em and start your own. Government a bit stingy with funding, yeah? Become a political powerhouse and kick it to them on their own turf. Owning the loyalty of an engineer is advantageous to any company, just keep them busy or they may nick your job too.
6. Pub Quizzes. Engineers may not be in the top 10% when it comes to knowledge of odd factoids, but we still rate quite highly. So we really are useful for being a hoarder of useless information. Go Team Engineer!
7. Making decisions. The non fluffy kind; of course. Group dynamics are such that having an engineer in your midst can be hugely advantageous. We do not bow to peer pressure, nor do we accept that 'warm squishy feelings' are a reasonable argument against getting a job done. 
8. Buying or planning to build a house? Not overly obvious but engineers come in all shapes and sizes, and so do their designs. You can find a similarly capable engineer advising on small scale construction as those engineers who design skyscrapers. It is always worth consulting an engineer when property is concerned. 
9. Organisation of groups. Engineers are project and task orientated. Give them a job with no fuzzy lines of responsibility, and they will continuously deliver the goods. If a group needs direction and a leader - then having an engineer on hand will ease the burden for everyone. There appears to be a golden ratio of engineers to non-engineers though. You cannot have too many or too few. I have not yet worked out this ratio.... sorry.
10. He's [or she's] a machine!! Whether it be ideas creation, working late, or biking the 'ass' out of the side of a mountain. The majority of the engineers I have had the pleasure of knowing are fit, and seriously motivated. Even if their bodies are on the verge of giving out, their natural curiosity means that they are always learning and working out their imaginations. They fit in any organisation.

If you were thinking that all engineers do is play with calculators and get excited over big yellow cranes, then you are sorely mistaken. Aren't you? We like red ones too. 

Engine[er]